Let me tell you about my first day as a father. There we were, bringing baby Jack home from the hospital, and I kid you not – we turned him over and over, searching every fold and crease for the instruction manual that surely must have come with him. Spoiler alert: there wasn’t one.
That moment captures something I’ve learned about family life – none of us really knows what we’re doing at first. We’re all just trying our best, learning as we go, and hoping we don’t mess up too badly along the way.
Coming from a home with an alcoholic father, I had plenty of examples of what not to do. But knowing what not to do isn’t the same as knowing what to do. I watched my father choose the bottle over his family night after night, and I swore I’d be different. But here’s the thing – being different isn’t just about avoiding someone else’s mistakes. It’s about actively choosing a better path.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
Want to know the first lesson I learned about building a healthy family? Show up. Just show up. When my boys were young, I dove into coaching their sports teams. Did I know anything about coaching? Nope! I was literally learning the games one practice ahead of the kids. But you know what mattered more than my coaching expertise? Being there.
I remember at one Little League tryout, I was partnering with veteran coach Tom Hoover. I noticed he kept writing “GLM” next to some players’ names, so I did the same. Finally, curiosity got the better of me, and I asked what it meant. His answer? “Good Looking Mom.” (Not exactly the scouting insight I was looking for!)
But here’s what I did find: when you consistently show up for your kids, when you make it clear they’re a priority, something magical happens. Trust builds. Connections deepen. Relationships grow.
We made family dinners a priority in our house. Not every night – let’s be real – but enough nights to matter. Those meals became more than just eating together. They were our time to share stories, to laugh, to stay connected. Even when the stories weren’t exactly what we wanted to hear (parents of teenagers, you know what I’m talking about), we learned to listen more than lecture.
Here’s another crucial lesson: your kids need to see you working on your marriage. Debbie and I learned this one the hard way. Early in our marriage, I was so focused on “providing” through my business ventures that I neglected what mattered most. It took some hard conversations and real changes for us to get back on track.
One thing that saved us? Regular date nights. Yes, actual scheduled time together, just the two of us. It might sound simple, but here’s what I’ve learned: what gets scheduled gets done. Your marriage needs attention just like your job, your kids’ activities, and everything else that makes it onto your calendar.
And can we talk about failure for a minute? Because here’s the truth – you’re going to mess up. I sure did. There were times I missed important moments because I was too wrapped up in work. Times I let my temper get the better of me. Times I made the wrong call as a parent.
But here’s the beautiful thing about family – it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present. It’s about apologizing when you’re wrong, showing up when it matters, and loving each other through the mess.
Want to build a healthier family? Start with these simple steps:
- Make regular time together non-negotiable (meals, game nights, whatever works for your family)
- Keep showing up, even when you don’t feel qualified
- Work on your marriage in front of your kids (they need to see that good relationships take effort)
- Be quick to apologize and slow to lecture
- Create traditions that bring you together (they don’t have to be fancy – some of our best memories are from camping trips where everything went wrong!)
Remember, a healthy family isn’t built in a day. It’s built in all those small moments, those daily choices to prioritize relationships over everything else. It’s built in the willingness to learn from mistakes, to keep trying, to love unconditionally.
What’s one step you can take today to strengthen your family connections? Share your thoughts – I’d love to hear what works in your family or what challenges you’re facing. After all, we’re all in this parenting journey together, instruction manual or not.